Me and Mini Budda

When the thought popped into my head to buy a bean bag a couple of weeks ago I had a figure in my head for what it would cost: €20. This was based on my memories of living in Rathmines where the Blackberry Fair was. At the entrance to the market was a sign advertising bean bags for sale. The first time I saw the sign I think the price was something like £15.

I realised there was a chance that the price of them may have gone up slightly over the years but, considering the basic ingredients of a bean bag are cloth and foam I didn't imagine the inflation would have been too great. Also the image I had of a bean bag was of a cheap type of furnishing for a university students bedsit.

Of course, as I should have expected, times have changed. For one thing, the Blackberry Fair has been closed for over a year. I found this out when I got the bus into Rathmines last Saturday to buy my bean bag. I haven't lived in Rathmines for ten years now and it is about five since I was last in the Blackberry Fair. It was a complete news flash to me therefore when I arrived to find it all locked up.

When I discovered the Fair was closed my plans to buy a bean bag were in a heap. I had looked for one while shopping in the city centre the previous day and the only one I saw was selling for about €130 in Argos. That was when I remembered the Fair and thought it would be worth my while to make the trip out to Rathmines. I made a quick stop off in an internet café and googled 'bean bags in Dublin'. I found posts that said that the Blackrock Market sold them too but Budda Bag on Millennium Walk won the search engine war for me and I got the bus back into town.

Prices were a little bit higher than I had expected. A footstool type bean bag was €100. I bought the Mini Budda which is a one person bean bag with a 1.5 metre diameter and costs €290.

While I spent more on it than I had intended I think it was worth it. It is a very comfortable way to relax. Since I've got it I've spent most of my time in the flat on it, reading, sleeping, surfing and watching TV. I've even tried a bit of meditation on it as well.

I can't imagine a Mini Budda gracing many poor university students bedsits. But then again I can't imagine many poor university students. Possibly the price of bean bags is linked to the spending power of the average Arts Student.

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Times I Almost Died

A thought occurred to me yesterday after I posted the YouTube clip of Des Bishop singing The House of Pain's Jump Around in Irish. I was reminded of the time I was listening to that song as I made my way into school one morning.

As usual I was running a little late -- about half an hour. I really couldn't help it. I lived in the countryside miles and miles away from the school I was going to. The only way I had of getting to school at the time was by hitch-hiking which isn't a very reliable method of getting somewhere on time.

This particular morning when I finally got a lift into town it was from someone who wasn't going very close to my school. When they dropped me off in town I still had a bit of a walk to go to get to school. Part of my route involved walking across some wasteground.

The ground was rough and uneven and I was listening to The House of Pain on my walkman as I stumbled over it. It was a dark and ugly morning, full of rain and wind. I was pretty much withdrawn into myself as I plodded on across the wasteground listening to my music.

After walking across all the rough ground I then walked several more steps before I realised that the ground surface had changed. I had reached the end of the wasteground and stepped out onto the road. I had walked across one lane before I realised this. As soon as I saw where I was I jumped back to the edge of the road and counted my blessings. Luckily it was after the rush hour and the traffic wasn't as heavy as it would have been an hour or so earlier.

I know this isn't the most dramatic of near-death experiences but it doesn't take much to end a life. A car passing at the wrong time and I’d have been finished, possibly without even realising what had happened.

I can think of another couple of times where similar things have happened. The time I was standing at a street corner waiting to cross the road when a double-decker bus took the corner too sharply and mounted the footpath. I was about four inches away from not having to worry about global warming that time. I exchanged glances with the guy standing beside me and we raised our eyebrows at each other. We both knew that we had been very close to finding out what it's all about.

There was the other time when I was standing at a bus-stop waiting for the bus to work. The bus-stop was beside an office block which was under construction. I was leaning against the wall of this new building when a concrete slab fell from the top of the building (six stories) and slammed into the footpath about twenty feet away from me.

Ok I wasn't in any danger at twenty feet but it was close enough for me! Once again, if that slab had been better aimed I'd have been dead and I wouldn't have known what had happened.

Those are only the times I almost died that I can remember the details of. There was another time when I was almost electrocuted. I can't remember the exact details but I was doing a bit of electrical wiring for a friend and there was some confusion about who'd taken the fuse out. I forget how that went but I remember the mental shock I got when I switched the appliance on after I was finished and realised that power had been flowing through it while I had been tinkering with it. It's funny how I can't remember much of the details of that incident but I suppose by that stage I'd been almost killed in senseless accidents so many times that it was barely worth taking notice of.

Anyway, long story short. Life is precious, you're lucky to be alive and enjoy every minute.

Also, look where you're going, don't stand right up to the edge of the footpath, remember the scaffolding is there for a reason and check the fuses yourself.

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Blackhawk Gear

I never heard of Under Armour clothing until today when I saw somebody on Twitter mention it. The first thing I thought of was some type of bullet-proof or stab-proof clothing. What it actually is though is clothing that is worn as a base layer next to the skin and helps your body regulate its temperature in a particular situation. HeatGear is used in hot conditions. Then there is ColdGear, LooseGear and AllSeason Gear. They actually do seem to work.

There is a whole industry in the sale of this type of adventure clothing. In addition to Under Armour I also found Blackhawk Gear which includes all kind of hunting and outdoor gear.

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Léimigí Thart - Des Bishop Sings Jump Around in Irish

It's a far cry from Peig but in this YouTube clip Des Bishop sings the House of Pain classic anthem Jump Around in Irish. Stuff like this makes me wish I could speak Irish. It also makes me realise it's possible to learn it. If a yank like Des Bishop can learn the language from scratch and do a rap in it, I think that should be encouragement to us all. This is what we should be sending to the Eurovision!

Liricí

Dún do chlab, dún do bhéal
[Shut your gob, shut your mouth]

éist le mo scéal, má cheapann tú go dtuigeann tú,
[Listen to my story, if you think you understand]

tá tú ag cur i gcéill,
[You are fooling yourself]

Tá mé ag dul go nua Eabhrac, ceangal mé le slabhra,
{I'm off to New York, Tie me up with a chain]

Goile a mhac, ná bí (ag caint anseo???)
[Come here my son, don't be (talking here???)

i lár an tsamhraidh
[in the middle of summer]

(súistí búistín buaille beag a phústín???)
[???]

ná bí i do phleidhce, nó gheobhaidh tusa léice
[don't be a jerk, or you're going to get a slap]

Níl mé ag iarraidh a' éisteacht le do chac-bó
[I don't want to hear your shit]

damhsa damhsa gan aon stró
[Dancing, dancing , withour effort]

buachaillí gránna, cailíní boga dána
[Nasty lads , naughty soft girls]

Ní thugann mise aird ar na gardaí síochána
[I pay no attension to the police]

Ag an gCeathrú rua, Amach anseo faoin dtuath
[In Carraroe , Out in the countryside]

léim anois léim anois léim anois go luath
[jump now jump now jump now without delay]

má tá sé mícheart, má tá sé mícheart,
[if it's wrong, if it's wrong,]

is cuma liom, is cuma liom,
[i don't care, i dont't care]

léimigí thart!
[jump around!]

léim thart! léim thart léim thart! léim thart léim thart! léim thart
[jump around! jump around jump around ... ]

Fág seo, éirigh as do pholl is léim thart!
[Let's go, get off your arse and jump around!]

Léim, léim, léim , chuile duine léim, léim, léim, gach duine léim, léim, léim, chuile dhuine léim, léim, léim
[Jump, jump, jump, each and every person jump, jump, jump, everybody jump, jump, jump , ... ]


freastalóidh mé thú ar nós John McEnroe
[i'll serve you like John McEnroe]

má shiúlann do bhean suas, buailfidh mé an hó!
[if your woman steps up, i'll slap the ho!]

Cá bhfuil do chlann, cá bhfuil do chairde,
[Where is your family, where are your friends,]

cá bhfuil an ceol, (suas in airde???)
[where is the music, (way up???)]

Agus díreach (ar do thuiscint, tá mé ag rith???)
[And now (by your understanding, i'm running???)

Má fheiceann tú mise, (b'fhearr duit???) bagairt a rá
[If you see me, (you'd better???) give a shout out]

Mar tá mé ar nós Tom Cruise sa scannán sin Top Gun
['Cos i'm like Tom Cruise in that film Top Gun]

Ní stopadh tú mise leis an Shotgun!
[You won't stop me with a shotgun!]

Má dhéanann tú 's cuí go luath
[If you do, it will be clear right soon]

Agus beidh tú i do staic
[And you will be on the floor]

Ní éiríonn tú arís go deo, sin an craic
[You won't ever get up again, that's the craic]

Anois mo stór, éist le mo ghlór,
[Now my dear, listen to my voice]

amach ar an urlár ar nós Peigín Leitir Mór
[out on the floor like Peigín Leitir Mór]
(Note: Peigín Leitir Mór is a kids Irish language song)

má tá sé mícheart, má tá sé mícheart srl
[if it's wrong, if it's wrong etc]

Is mise an fear is fearr, so tá mé thar barr,
[I'm the best man, so i'm the greatest]

Ní fheicfidh tú mise i mo sheasadh (as an lár???)
[You won't see me standing (aside???)]

Ná ag an deireadh ach an oiread an taobh eile don droichid
[Or at the end either on the other side of the bridge]

má thagann siad chomh fada liom, cuireadh mise iad,
[if they come as far as me, i'll bury them,]

amach ar an bportach, agus iad ag baint mhóna,
[out on the bog, as they cut turf,]

Déardaoin, De hAoine, De Satharn De Domhnaigh,
[Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday]

Suas suas 's síos agus ar ais arís,
[Up up 'n down and up and around]

Dún do straois, tá sé salach agus clúdaithe le smaois
[Shut your face, it's dirty and covered with snot]

(Do héadan bheidh caillte , an teallach sin duitse???),
[(Your face is lost , this home for you???)]

Fainic thú féin nó ní thógfaidh mé uaitse
[Watch yourself or I won't take from you]

Má tá sé mícheart, má tá sé mícheart srl
[If it's wrong, if it's wroong etc]

Tá mo homies as Conamara
[My homies are from Connemara]

M'abhailies, m'abhailies as Conamara
[M'abhailies, m'abhailies from Connemara]
(Note: Abhailies is a made up word which combiens "Abhaile" meaning "Home" and "ies" to make it an Irish "Homies")

Muintir na Gaeltachta, agus muintir na héireann freisin, tá an réabhlóid ag teacht go luath
[People of the Gaeltacht, and people of Ireland too, the revolution is coming soon]

Sin é, sin é, sin é , sin é [TRéIG]
[That's it, that's it, that's it [FADE]]

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The Good Old Days? Our Ancestors Were Just As Messed Up, Drugged Up And Homicidal As Us

I was passing time in a shopping centre at the weekend when I had a look in a bookshop. I wasn't planning on buying anything but one book jumped out at me: The Encyclopaedia of Executions. I have a strange interest in morbid things like this. Among some of the more interesting books I remember reading over the years were The Fireside Book of Death, The Hangmans Tale – Memoirs of a Public Executioner, Gin – The Much-Lamented Death of Madam Geneva and The Real Oliver Twist.

The Encyclopaedia of Executions was just as good as I was expecting it to be. It gives a short one or two page biography of each person hung in Britain in the 20th century with the details of the case and some background history of the killer and the murder victim.

I'm reading the book chronologically and so far I'm only at 1903. The pattern so far is of men being executed for killing their wives or girlfriends and women being executed for killing children, their own and others. Most of the killings seem to have been the result of relationships going bad with money being the second motivating factor.

For example, take the case of George Place. He was a 28-year-old miner who found accommodation with Eliza Chetwynd in 1901. Eliza (60) had a daughter (20) of the same name. After some time George and the younger Eliza began to get close to each other and within a year they were living together as a couple.

Things changed between them after Eliza became pregnant and gave birth to a boy on August 13th, 1902. Eliza took out a Bastardy Order against George which was a form of child maintenance. George became angry at this and stormed out of the house on August 21st.

He returned to the house early in the morning of August 24th and went to the room where the two Elizas and the still unnamed baby were sleeping and shot all three of them dead.

There's very little in the above story that couldn’t have happened today. Except of course that there would be an outcry if a piece of legislation were called something so offensive as a Bastardy Order!

In the first four years of the 20th century, two men were executed for the abduction, rape and murder of children. Since the book only deals with cases where people were executed it's possible as far as I know that there were other child rape and murder cases in that time.

Gin – The Much Lamented Death of Madam Geneva is about the Gin Craze which struck London in the 18th century, causing devastation and misery at least the equal of that caused by heroin or any other drug in our own times.

There were the same dreadful consequences for the addicts who would kill or steal anyone or anything to raise the money for their drug. Gin "was implicated in the abuse of social security – gin-drinkers sold clothes given them by the parish 'and cheat . . . by all the ways and means they can devise to get money to spend in this destructive liquior, which generally ends in the husband’s being thrown into a jail, and his whole family on the parish.' Gin, the Committee reports, was 'one of the principal causes of the great increase of beggars and parish poor.'"

What interests me about books like this is that they tell me that things are no worse now than they ever were. It is tempting when we watch the news and see all the terrible things happening to think that these are problems of the modern age. The fact is that these types of terrible things always happened. In a way that thought comforts me.

In almost every way life is better now than it ever was at any time in the past. A way to test this is put forward in the Progress Paradox, How Life Gets Better While People Feel Worse by Greg Easterbrook: Ask yourself, if you could travel back in time to any period of your choosing and live the rest of your life there as an ordinary person (not as a King or some other rich and privileged person) would you do it? Would you put aside your conveniences, your health care, your longer life span, your shorter working days, your plentiful food and your nicer clothes?

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Dress Like a Cowboy

I may not have the makings of a good cowboy as far as rodeo goes but that doesn't mean I can't dress like one!

For anyone who isn't living in the western United States it is a very eye-catching fashion statement to wear a cowboy hat. It instantly makes you stand out from the crowd.

For people like me that's a very scary thing; I usually prefer to blend into the background. In addition to the cowboy hat though Cavenders web-site also have cowboy style pants and shirts as well as other cowboy related accessories such as belts, buckles and wallets. And don't forget the cowboy boots. That's an item that I mean to get one day.

This may not be the type of stuff that you would wear every day but it would make an interesting addition to a wardrobe.

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Chiki Chiki

Ireland's entry to the Eurovision is facing competition from the Spanish, who have also entered a spoof act. Rodolfo Chikilicuatre has been selected to sing Chiki Chiki for Spain in the Eurovision Song Contest this year. I'm told it's a spoof act anyway. Obviously it's in Spanish but even reading the English translation it's hard to see what the joke is, other than that it's a deliberately bad act. It may turn out to be a subtler satire on the whole glam Eurovision tradition than Dustin the Turkeys entry which is just basic toilet humour.




The lyrics of Chiki Chiki follow in Spanish and then in English;

The final lyrics are:

¡Perrea! ¡Perrea!
¡Perrea! ¡Perrea!

El chikichiki mola mogollón
Lo bailan en la China y también en Alcorcón
Dale chikichiki a esa morenita
Que el chikichiki la pone muy tontitaLo baila José Luis, lo baila bien suave,
Lo baila Mariano, mi amor ya tú sabes.
Lo bailan los brother, lo baila mi hermano
Lo baila mi mulata con las bragas en la mano
¡Perrea! ¡Perrea!El Chiki Chiki is a Reaggetton
Dance in Argentina, Serbia and Oregón
Give el Chiki-Chiki to that little sister
with el Chiki-Chiki she's gonna like it mister !
Dance it with Alonso, Dance it with Gasol
Dance it with your brothers, all around the world
Dance it with Bardem Dance it with Banderas
Dance with Almodóvar Dance la Macarena

Y el chiki chiki se baila así
Uno: el brikindans
Dos: el crusaíto
Tres: el maiquelyason
Cuatro: el robocop

Baila el chikichiki baila el chikichiki
Lo bailan los jevis y también los friquis
Lo bailan en la cárcel, lo bailan en la escuela,
Lo baila mi madre y también mi abuela.

Baila el chikichiki baila el chikichiki
Lo bailan los jevis y también los friquis
Lo bailan en la cárcel, lo bailan en la escuela,
Lo baila mi madre y también mi abuela.
Lo canta el Tigre Puma con su traje a rayas
Y Juan Carlos le dice ¿por qué no te callas?

En el velatorio del Padre Damián
Pusieron chikichiki y el muerto echó a bailar
¡Bailar, bailar, bailar!
Y el chiki chiki se baila así
Uno: el brikindans
Dos: el crusaíto
Tres: el maiquelyason
Cuatro: el robocop

Perrea, Perrea
Lo baila José Luis, lo baila bien suave,
Lo baila Mariano, mi amor ya tú sabes.
Lo bailan los bródel, lo baila mi hermano
Lo baila mi mulata con las bragas en la mano
Y el chiki chiki se baila así
Uno: el brikindans
Dos: el crusaíto
Tres: el maiquelyason
Cuatro: el robocop
Uno: el brikindans
Dos: el crusaíto
Tres: el maiquelyason
Cuatro: el robocop
¡PERREA, PERREA!



“EL CHIKICHIKI”

¡Perrea! ¡Perrea!*

¡Perrea! ¡Perrea!

Chikichiki is wicked and swell
They dance it in China and in Alcorcón too
Give chikichiki to that dark girl
'Cos chikichiki will make her twirl

Jose Luís dances it, dances it cool,
And Mariano dances it, my love you know how.
The brothers dance it, my brother dances it good
My mulatta dances it holding her pants in her hand

Perrea! Perrea!

El Chiki Chiki is a Reaggetton
Dance in Argentina, Serbia and Oregon
Give el Chiki-Chiki to that little sister
with el Chiki-Chiki She´s gonna like it mister!

Dance it with Alonso, Dance it with Gasol
Dance it with your brothers, all around the world
Dance it with Bardem Dance it with Banderas
Dance with Almodóvar Dance la Macarena

And chikichiki is danced like this:
One: brikindans
Two: go crusaíto
Three: maiquelyason
Four: Robocop

Dance the chikichiki dance the chikichiki
Heavy metal guys dance it and freaks too
They dance it in prison and at school too,
My mother dances it and my grandmother too.
Dance the chikichiki dance the chikichiki
Heavy metal guys dance it and freaks too
They dance it in prison and at school too,
My mother dances it and my grandmother too.

El Puma the he-tiger sings it in tuxedo
And Juan Carlos says to him: why don't you shut up?
At Father Damian's wake
They played chikichiki and the dead man got up and danced

Dance, dance, dance!

And chikichiki is danced like this:
One: brikindans
Two: go crusaíto
Three: maiquelyason
Four: Robocop

Perrea Perrea

Jose Luís dances it, dances it cool,
And Mariano dances it, my love you know how.

The brothers dance it, my brother dances it good
My mulata dances it with her pants in her hand

And chikichiki is danced like this:
One: brikindans
Two: go crusaíto
Three: maiquelyason
Four: Robocop

One: brikindans
Two: go crusaíto
Three: maiquelyason
Four: Robocop

PERREA PERREA!!!

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